Why Me? Now What? (A Personal Journey Through Infertility)

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Here We Go!!!

Well, nothing goes according to plan, I have learned that if nothing else in this whole journey.

It was the second day for me to test using the OPKs.... I for some reason, decided to stay home from work today, feeling not quite myself; and low and behold... at 10:30am after peeing on that little stick, I got 2 lines.... my LH Surge was here.

WHAT???? That was a whole 5 days earlier than I expected it! I called the clinic right away, leaving them the message as instructed by the nurse in my consultation. I almost immediately received a call back from the clinic, and the nurse was NOT happy. She said I was supposed to call at 8:00am... but I didn't know that (or at least I forgot)... apparently I was supposed to pee first thing in the morning, something I didn't remember being told either.

In any case, my hubby is rushing to the clinic now, and needs to make his "deposit" at 12:00pm... then at 2:00pm I am to go in and get the IUI!

Im excited... but scared... and nervous... and well... every emotion! This is it!!!

I'd better make sure to shave my legs!!

When I arrived to the clinic precisely at 2:00pm, my legs felt like Jello and I wasn't sure I would actually be able to do this, without passing out first. I needed to calm down.

After only a few minutes, I was ushered into a small white room. Sterile, cold and all to clinical. The bright and informative posters on the wall did nothing to make the room less hospital like.

Then things really started to happen. The nurse handed me, (which at first looked like a small pink pill... perhaps a pain killer for the cramps...) a vial! WOW am I glad I didn't hastily swallow THAT! Neatly printed on the tiny tube (Looking more like a bullet than a vial) was my hubby's name and our "account number" there at the clinic. It sure was small! Seemingly reading my mind, she quickly told me that the vial contained 26 million spermies... which in the clinic's eyes was a great result. Woohoo!! Way to go Mikey!!!!

Moments later, I found myself lying on my back atop a beautiful paper sheet covered by a white blanket and trying to breathe through the next moments that took FOREVER.

I hadn't noticed the thoughtful use of pink oven mitts on the "stirrups" at the end of the table. Not really why they decided oven mitts would be a nice fit, but hey... at least my feet weren't getting cold!

Now, I have never been told I had a strange cervix... so why now, when I needed it to behave itself, did the nurse mumble that it was hiding? HIDING???? How dare it do that! (Not to mention how DID it do that?) Never the less, I sat back and enjoyed a 10 minute session of the scapula digging, pulling, adjusting, pushing and wrenching as she tried to clamp down in the right place. Was this really happening?????

Finally, she had it... and moments later with a little cramping, it was done. The little spermies were in place, and the work had been done.

"10 minutes" She said.... that was how long I was supposed to lay back and relax until getting re-dressed to let myself out of the office. But I didn't wear my watch!! I had left my cell phone in the car too... in fear that I would get a business call right as I lay back to start. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KEEP TRACK OF TIME???

No clock anywhere?? They thought of OVEN MITTS but not a CLOCK?

As I counted to 600, my mind began to drift...

Never in my wildest dreams, had I thought I would be conceiving my first child under bright fluorescent lights, on a table smaller than a twin bed, and with no man insight. But hey... sometimes the best things are ones that you never dreamt were possible. And so I wait... for a new dream to begin.


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