Why Me? Now What? (A Personal Journey Through Infertility)

Thursday, April 27, 2006

A New Hope

3 days after starting my period, I have a new sense of hope. I have direction, calm and hopefully will hear the news that IVF is finally in the immediate future by next week. The clinic says they call 7-10 days after you call in your "Cycle Day 1" after moving through the waiting list. Everyone seems to say it is 3 months long, and well... this is month 3 so I am axiously waiting for my phone to ring.

It's time for me to take charge of my own happiness, and my own spirit. After acupuncture yesterday I left realizing, that if I want to make changes to my life or to the life of others... I needed to step up.

I was supposed to go for dinner with the girls tonight.... a group of my cousins that have bonded since my wedding nearly 2 years ago now. We have really gotten to know eachother as adults these last 2 years, and it has been great. Even still, I am not ready to talk to them about this journey... and well, it would be near impossible for me to sit through a girl's dinner talking about what is going on in our lives, when I couldn't talk about the most important thing going on in my life.

So I cancelled, decided to stay home, and just relax. Something I need to do more of.

I also came to the decision today that I need to step out of the shadows and be proud of the group of women that blazed a trail for people like me, and lend that hand out to those who follow behind me. Generation of Hope is a charity that is not only a support for me during these next months, but is a way for me to give back to the community that is helping me have the child I so desperately ache for.

So I will commit to being there, at whatever capacity they need. It will be an amazing gift... not from me but TO me. To see and share the strength of so many wonderful couples, to see the passion of the doctors and nurses that donate their time, and to feel like I am truly doing something beside swallowing pills and injecting needles.

It is this hope that carries me through the finish line.


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