Why Me? Now What? (A Personal Journey Through Infertility)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

So Much Time Has Passed...

Over a month since writing last... so much time, and so many things have transpired over this last few weeks, yet I have found little time to sit down and write about them.

Today, I find that time, settled into our new home, at least as settled as one can be when surrounded by boxes to heavy to lift in my condition. Mike has been working alot, making it difficult to get things unpacked before I find myself begging for sleep at only 8pm. My mother came into town this last weekend, to help with some of the "new house" chores... lining the drawers with that protective bumpy plastic, putting my linens away neatly on the top shelves of the linen closet... all the things I surely would have left for weeks due to the enormity and boringness of the tasks. And so, I sit... surrounded by boxes; contemplating the last weeks while trying to find a comfortable spot on the couch where the babies aren't making it completely unbearable.

The babies... they're doing fine... seem to be growing strong and progressing as expected, right on par with the singleton charts out there. They seem content enough, and at the last few ultrasounds have been busy poking each other in the head vying for attention by the technician when measuring and counting heartbeats... already competing, a sign surely of things to come.

Things haven't been exactly smooth sailing these last 5 weeks though. There was a scare at 10 weeks... out of the blue, in the middle of the night, I awoke to a gushing of blood... so much so that it soaked not only the bed but the towels I used to move myself to the washroom to call the doctor. At 3:00am I am sure he wasn't thrilled to hear from me, but his concern was genuine and he ordered me to either make my way into emergency immediately (however a 4 hour wait in reception may result) or get into a horizontal position, monitor the bleeding and get into his office first thing in the morning. We chose the latter... with the bleeding stopping after about 20 minutes... and when we arrived the next morning to the doctor's office, they discovered.. nothing. The babies heart's were beating away... there was minimal blood pooled in my uterus, that I was warned could cause some cramping, and I was sent home with no real understanding of what could have been the result. It wasn't until my High Risk OBGYN appointment 2 weeks later that they confirmed I wasn't RH negative, potentially causing a risk to the babies if our blood was incompatible... and questioning if this could have been partially explained by the loss weeks earlier, but everything seemed to be progressing, so I was told not to worry.

Not worry... it's funny, how you immediately become protective and worry about your children even before they enter this world. I check on them daily (After ordering a doppler from an online company to help reassure me that they are both still doing fine). The galloping of their little heartbeats have become easy to find... side by side... on either side of my stomach. Sometime last week they both decided to move to the right, perhaps bored with their recent surroundings... but the presence of the massive fibroid made it difficult for them to get comfortable. After hours of sharp shooting pains I can only equate to their little legs kicking this swollen tender mass of tissue, they realized it wasn't worth it, and have moved back to their rightful home just to the left of my belly button.

I have another appointment today, they are watching me closely... something I find reassuring... we'll see today how much weight I have gained.... it was 11 pounds as of 2 weeks ago. Surely I have gained a few more despite my lack of hunger and my inability to eat more than a small portion at each meal before feeling as if I am about to explode.

I'll write more now... now that I am "settled" and the computer is back up and running. I find it therapeutic to re-hash the moments... makes everything seem so much more real; and makes March seem in some strange way, that much closer.


  • Kim, I can't begin to say how happy I am to see a post by you and to know that everything is still going well for you and the twins. I felt like a stalker but I was so worried!

    Congrats on your move and I hope you will not have any more scares like the one you had recently...

    Best of luck!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:46 AM  

  • YEA!!! You're back!!!!! It's about time sweetheart, we've all been wondering and worrying about you 3. Congrats on the new house and I hope your pg is boring from here on out.

    By Blogger Nickie, at 2:50 PM  

  • So glad to hear fro you again. I check your blog almost everyday. (I'm not crazy, I promise)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:28 PM  

  • Thanks for checking in! I'm glad the move went well, but sad about the scare! Glad all is well.

    By Blogger Crystal, at 9:17 PM  

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