Why Me? Now What? (A Personal Journey Through Infertility)

Friday, February 10, 2006

Tummy Aches and Tacos

The Good.... no more headache! I woke up this morning scared to completely open my eyes in preparation for the splitting pain that had accompanied this action on the 4 previous days. But, ALAS NOTHING!

Today was a great day all considering, the bloating seems to have disappeared with the headaches, and I can finally wear my jeans and feel like they actually fit! Last night, at the hockey game I managed to eat tacos as well as an ice cream malt... Neither filling me up with that bloated feeling I had after every meal previous. This was GREAT!!!

Now, don't get me wrong... I'm still not feeling like my old self... but this is a GOOD thing. Today I woke up with gnawing cramps almost like I was nearing the end of my cycle; but by mid-morning they had subsided to butterflies in my stomach... something that I have experienced for a few days now.

After a busy day at work (Putting to rest the issues that had arose over the last couple of days) and meeting a girlfriend for lunch, I arrived home fully expecting to start dinner... but honestly? I don't feel like cooking... I think I will call the hubby and have him pick up something at Taco Bell on the way home!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Another Day... another Headache

OK... If I knew that I was pregnant, and these headaches were simply some sort of evil symptom of the fact... I would be thrilled.... but I have no such proof and so I resolve myself to be pissed.

Pissed that this damn headache doesn't seem to want to let up now and it has been 4 days!

Other than being physically disgusted with my bloated belly and splitting headache, I spent the day building my defense for a dismal result recently coming to light on a client's business at the office. It will likely pass with no harm done, but with everything else going on right now, I cant focus the energy required to fight a good battle if it comes to that. Hopefully I can talk about the positives, spin the concerns and come out looking like the reputable and responsible member of the team that everyone expects to see!

But tonight isn't about that... with my hubby off to the hockey game (taking his sister since I just didn't feel up to it), I am propped up and ready for the Grammys. Hell if I'm going to sit around wearing sweats eating soup from a can, I might as well watch other people squeeze into amazing outfits, live the life and rock it out!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Why Am I So Happy?

OK... I am still bloated, not as bad as yesterday.... but definitely still bloated; but for some reason, I have a spring in my step. I truly am happy. Sure, everyone complains about the 2 week wait being a nightmare. (The description of the time between the day you Ovulate and the day you should test for pregnancy would make anyone anxious) But even still.... there is a certain amount of optimism I have in facing this month. Maybe I am setting myself for pure disappointment. Maybe the headaches (which I still have by the way) are clouding my vision... but I am still optimistic.

I know that this will likely change by tomorrow... but for today I am going to sit back, laugh with my husband and just ENJOY!

Monday, February 06, 2006

Am I supposed to feel like a beached whale?


I'm bloated and I can't find a pair of pants that fit! Gee... this Trying to conceive thing is just getting more glamorous by the moment! It would be one thing if I couldn't fit in my pants because I was already pregnant... but this????? Not Cool.

How is it even POSSIBLE that I am so bloated? Sure there were 24 million spermies injected but the vial was the size of a multi-vitamin.... that couldn't have done it!

All weekend I have felt full... barely able to eat anything before getting a stomach ache and my tummy rock hard and sticking out like a beach ball.

Yesterday, for Super Bowl; Mike ended up going to a party himself, since I just didn't feel like hanging out in my sweats with friends... and was praying that this morning I would wake up and my tummy would miraculously be back to it's normal size.

But nope, instead I squeezed into a pair of dress pants and headed off to work. I am meeting my father tonight, to give him a tour of the show home, and to check in on the builder to see if the architectural controls have been accepted and they can start building... so THANK GOD I had an hour to come home and undo my belt for a while and breathe!!!